I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
