I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
