i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize