I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize