when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
