why didn't you poke me back
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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