what day is it and did you see me today?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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