Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
