I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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