But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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