The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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