You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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