today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
