So drunk its hurt
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
either way he was missing a nipple.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
