i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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