Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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