Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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