omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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