Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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