So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
