i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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