i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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