you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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