As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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