you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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