who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
