I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
from now on my penis is your penis
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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