i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
