I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think im going to throw up on grandma
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
