My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
