I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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