he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
