Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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