I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
