ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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