I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Couch. On fire.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize