This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
