You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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