Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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