She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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