Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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