so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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