you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
