I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
