what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize