So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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