So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
