What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
