Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
