he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize