the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Blood and glitter go together right?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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