I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize