so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
