I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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