hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize