I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
