A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
