You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
