I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
