The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just invented taco cereal.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
