I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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