Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
