I didn't shave. On purpose
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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