yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Are my feet made of real feet?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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