I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize