I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wear drunk well.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize