My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
