I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
