I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
