Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
