I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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