He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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